Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
