i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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