At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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