well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
