People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
