oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
