I just pynch a tree in the face
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize