Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
