dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
