i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize