FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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