i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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