pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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