I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
