Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
