i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
