I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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