i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
