All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
