is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
