Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
