you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
