Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
