i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize