What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
