A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
