dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
