My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
