Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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