Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
