my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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