matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize