Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
