my phone needs a breathalizer
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
