Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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