Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
