That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
