Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
