He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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