I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
