Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
