my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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