i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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