Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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