By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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