My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she smelled like a LAN party
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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