U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
