I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
