i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
