Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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