I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
