Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
