So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
