Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
