I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
