p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
