I'm so fucking centered right now
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
