i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
