I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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