I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
