Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
