he thought i was a dude.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
