fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
