Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize