he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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