WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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