look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
