Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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